Now that "The Scenario" or "The Situation" is out in the open, I figure I better run down the (kinda scary, kinda ugly) first 8 weeks that we kept (reasonably) well under wraps.
Remember when I mentioned HERE that my girl trip to Folly Beach got off to a late start? Well, that was because my ass was in the ER for 3 hours being scoped out for a possible ectopic pregnancy. It hit me like a ton of bricks... that middle of the night cramping. I knew some cramping was normal, but this was constant. And only on one side. And getting on the InterGoogle at 2am to "research" was probably a bad idea.
A few calls to the doctor, late on a Friday, and blood work followed. When the cramping got worse that night, I made Puff take me to the ER in an attempt to get a vaginal ultrasound done to confirm the baby was in the right place. No such luck. A $200 copay later, and I was sent on my way to the beach with some Tylenol and an order to go straight to the hospital if there was any bleeding. Thankfully, we passed that test and I got my cute little 5 week bump photo on the beach! (After the bartender scoffed at me for ordering a virgin pina colada. The nerve!)
Since the cramping was still constant into that next week, I went in to the doc for that ultrasound. And you know what they found? NOTHING. A blip on the screen was a dark circle of inconclusivity. Apparently I had a gestational sack, but no yolk sack. And they couldn't decide if it was ectopic or not. More blood work was ordered. And the result was that busted vein that had me looking like a domestic violence ad for almost 2 whole weeks.
A week later, I had Puff accompany me to the doctor for a follow-up ultrasound. I was prepared for bad news. I hadn't let myself get my hopes up about the baby to that point. I didn't want pure and utter devastation. However, the second I got deflowered by the giant dildo-like wand, the technician said she saw the yolk sack. And it was not ectopic. A few maneuvers later and at 6 weeks and 2 days, we saw the first flicker of a heartbeat. A rate of 105 was deemed perfect for Bimmer. It was a fantastic day... even if Puff did say the baby looked like a "pimple throbbing to pop."
By week 7, Bimmer had been on 6 airplanes and had been to South Carolina, Kentucky, Ohio, Louisiana, and Mississippi. We're starting this little one off right! Oh yeah... and Bimmer had also been to his/her first prison rodeo. (Expect more to come!) All those flights came just in time to coincide with pretty much constant nausea. It started between weeks 6 and 7 and happened pretty much on the dot, every night at 1am and again at 5am. Those were the worst. Those were the sleeping with a plastic bag in my hand and a pack of crackers on my chest, filling the bed with crumbs. (Don't worry... it got worse as the weeks wore on!) During the day, I drank Sprite and ate Saltines and pretzels almost constantly. I packed on the pounds and felt bloated and gross, even though I knew it wasn't baby weight yet. It was "I'm eating carbs and drinking soda so I don't vomit on my keyboard" weight.
And, at some point, it was bad enough for me to tell Puff I was never getting pregnant ever again. Remind me of that after Bimmer actually arrives and I'm begging Puff to inseminate me immediately again so we can have the Irish Twins I've always dreamed of having!