Tuesday, November 22, 2011

She Belongs in the Nut House

Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but I've got to bring an epidemic to your attention: The Crazy Bitch.
I hear all too often from male friends of mine about their wives or girlfriends and their insane antics and it just baffles me. Everything from extravagant shopping sprees to "forgetting" to pay the bills to romantic interludes with other men at out of town meetings to quitting their jobs for no good reason to not being happy for their son when he announces a pregnancy.
It just seems like more and more often, I hear of women who just expect their husbands to keep throwing money at them. You know the last things I had my husband buy for me? Dinner at Chili's, a snow shovel, and half the grocery bill. I just do not comprehend the mentality behind these women. Is it really worth risking having your power turned off to buy a new Iphone? I once knew a woman whose husband was deployed overseas with the military, so she sold their second car for a few grand. You know what she bought with that money? A purse. A motherfucking PURSE. She got a purse for the price of a CAR. Basically, Puff and I spent 10 days in Ireland for less than that. Or, for a non-travel related comparison, that's probably what we spend a year for groceries.
You know how much my purse was? Probably $25 on sale at Kohl's and I'll carry it until a hole gets worn in the bottom. But yet, I see Facebook posts of wives who are hinting at needing $400 designer handbags? Women... get a grip! Or get a job! The worst of these women are the ones who don't work yet their husbands pull down a full-time job, a part-time job, and still have trouble making ends meet. But dammit, when she needs to go on a binge at the craft store, he's got to be the one to fund it? How the heck does that make one ounce of sense?!? If I want to splurge on a wreath from West Elm, it's with my own money. Because I have a job. I split the household bills proportionately to our salaries. We share the domestic work at home. We are a TEAM. And you know what you don't do to a teammate? Treat them like shit.
That's probably what gets me the most irked about these women I hear about. (And trust me, I hear the gripes all the time!) The guys are trying to do the right thing, taking care of their families. But then they get berated all day long by these crazy bitches who send nasty texts, emails, and voicemails. Even their therapists think they're nuts! Now, I've heard of guys being pussy-whipped, but I'm here to point out that not all pussy is attached to a certified nutcase or gold-digger. Puff's a lucky man. ::insert grin::
When I asked Puff what he would do if I asked him for a $400 handbag, he said that if I didn't ask for anything but that for Christmas and my birthday... he would pay half.
Smart man. Smart man.
SAHM Disclaimer: Please don't get your panties in a wad about this. If you're not draining your husband for no good reason, I'm totally cool with you. As long as you don't sit on your ass all day and ignore your children or put them in day care so you can spend all day at the gym and Starbucks with your girlfriends. Then, we might have an issue.

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