Wednesday, January 18, 2012

It's Pink

Well... meet Bimmer. (Again.)
There are girl parts involved now.
And while Puff started to feel like he was going to have a heart attack in the ultrasound room, apparently he is excited. As am I. It definitely makes the entire situation much more real and purposeful. I am growing something someone inside me and SHE depends on me. Like, completely. Yeah, this shit is pretty scary.

Although, our excitement has been put on the backburner for a little while. As hard as it is to admit, both of us are so petrified about our lives right now since I am not working, that it's getting near impossible to focus on anything else. It should have been one of the happiest days of my life, to find out what we were having, after wanting to be pregnant and be a mother for so long. But I spent the hour before the appointment bawling about how I feel like a failure to her already, since I am not providing for our family. It's a heavy burden I hate to be carrying right now.

The doom and gloom of all of this depression I've been having lately will hopefully subside soon. (Preferably in the form of a job offer!) We're anxious to get back to the bubbly, happy days of this pregnancy. We're ready to start shopping for a white crib and pink Cowboys onesies. I'm ready to shift the focus off my feelings and on to her needs. That's just easier said than done right now.

It doesn't mean I resent the baby or anything like that. It doesn't mean she won't be loved beyond words once she is here and in our arms. It's just that depression is a reality in our household right now, and it's got me in a head-lock. So I want to extend a sincere THANK YOU to all the awesome friends and family members who have helped me through some rough days and who are taking on the role of eternal optimists for me and Puff, since it's seemingly impossible for us to be that right now.

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