Did I just really cross that threshold? Am I really another whole decade older? Is that seriously a THREE at the start of my age?
Yup... it sure is. And I can't escape it. One bright note? I've still yet to have a gray hair. Boo yah.
I can say that I never, in a million frickin' years, expected to be barefoot, pregnant, and unemployed on my thirtieth birthday. That whole unemployed part really sucks whale testicles. (I did a quick Google search for "largest animal testicles." I wouldn't advise doing that yourself.) I feel like not only am I going through the emotional roller coaster of pregnancy, but then add in the typical freak-fest of turning thirty AND the depression that comes with not having a job to go to every day. It's really hard to look at the bright side these days. Welcome to my pity party.
The last year of my twenties was totally rock star. I picked up 5 new countries and 2 new states. I got to see a prison rodeo, for Christ's sake! And most importantly, I succeeded in tricking my husband into donating his sperm to my ever-present fantasy of wanting to become a mother. With all that in retrospect, it's time to look forward to all the cool stuff that will happen in my thirties... namely the fact that I will get to welcome little Bimmer into this world and then see him/her grow up. And somehow, that makes turning thirty seem all that more necessary. And awesome.
Now, with that stuff out of the way, I feel it necessary to point out the evolution of birthday gifts from my husband over the 4 birthdays we have now spent together. This year was pretty awesome... Dennis Miller tickets anyone? (More on that after the actual event!) So, in backwards order, some prized gifts from Puff over the years...
Please ignore the fact that I'm not wearing real pants.
For my 30th birthday, Puff gifted me a 6 pack of red velvet cupcakes, Kendra's new book, and some sexy pieces from Victoria's Secret. If I can be sexy and pregnant. Apparently he told the sales woman at VS that I don't have a butt, so I don't need a lot of back coverage. LOL! And I can't forget this fabulously awesome t-shirt!
For my 29th birthday, Puff gifted me a cute new outfit and necklace. Plus, purple bra and panties from Victoria's Secret. He felt compelled to model them for me.
For my 28th birthday, Puff gifted me a one-of-a-kind ceramic necklace that he had specifically made just for me. Oh yeah, and the ugliest pajama pants in the history of the planet. I love 'em!
For my 27th birthday, Puff gifted me with a pink lemonade cake I had always wanted, plus a gnome t-shirt. And can't forget the hot pink vibrator. Hard to top that gift, honey.
Birthdays aren't a huge deal around here... usually a few small gifts, maybe a sweet surprise, and dinner at our restaurant of choice. I will say that Puff is so awesome to have treated me so well on my 30th birthday and I am so grateful to have him to support me right now and make this special occasion pretty awesome. Now if I can only request a big trip for my 40th. Just a hint.
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