Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Mom Guilt & Being MIA

Mommy guilt - it's totally a real thing. And as we come upon the last day or two of Bimmer being an only child, I cannot help but have some.
A lot, actually.
One of the biggest contributing factors to my wishy-washy status of not being sure I wanted to have a second child was that I was worried it was a selfish decision. I really thought it was a selfish decision no matter which way it went. But now that I am in the thick of it - the no turning back point of it all - I am having some definite Mommy guilt that I have somehow ruined the life of my child by forcing her into becoming a big sister.
I know that's not the reality. I have watched Bimmer blossom and grow and be nothing but excited about telling anyone and everyone that she is going to be a big sister. I have seen her want to help us get out the baby's swing and fold the baby's clothes. She has wanted to buy gifts for Healey and talks about the future with her in the sweetest way.
I get that Bimmer is only 3 and that while being an only child with our undivided attention is all that she has ever known, she will figure it out. Probably a lot quicker than any of the rest of us expect her to. Honestly, probably a lot quicker than the rest of us figure it out for ourselves.
I have been going back and looking at some old photos of Bimmer lately and I just cannot believe how much she has grown. I see her chunky little baby thighs and see photos of moments I don't remember all that clearly. I don't think I have rushed the past three years, but I know there were times I didn't stop to soak her up as much as I probably should have. I am hopeful that we can still maintain a "Rushing Life" without missing any of the sweet, small moments with both of our girls. Puff is guilty of it too - probably way more so than I am. We all need to take this summer to step back, realize how lucky and blessed we are, and relish in these sweet days that we will never get back.
The past two years, a friend of mine has taken the photos we used for our Christmas cards. Since she is an amateur photographer, she gives us all of the shots she takes - even if there are hundreds of them - so that we can choose for ourselves the best. I was looking back at the ones she took when Bimmer was about 18 months old. I would have never chosen these shots for our cards, but they are the sweetest, most candid snapshots of that time in our life... a time I want to dwell on and remember. An imperfect time, captured perfectly.

I cannot wait until our family photos include another sweet little girl. Until then, I apologize for any delay in posting (it will probably be next week sometime before I'm feeling back up to it) but I've got some pretty important stuff to focus on right now. My girls... Bimmer and Healey... will be together this week. And I cannot be more excited.

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