Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Plumber's Crack: Do the Deux

Remember a few months ago when I had a nervous breakdown because Puff refused to double-flush and clogged the toilet late on a Sunday night? Well, perhaps you should re-read that first.
 
Now add two months more of hormonal and emotional imbalance and cue a recent Sunday morning, when I was 39 weeks preggers. In my 20,000 bathroom trips a day, I go through a lot of toilet paper. And I hate to change the roll. For some reason, it's just at a hard angle to reach, especially with this big ol' bump, and I try to leave it out for Puff whenever possible. Yet, like my dad, he always picks on me about not changing it. So, I sucked it up and went to change it after it was empty.
 
Since our toilet is cheap and our plumbing is old, we have a weird thing where the toilet flushes completely twice with each push of the handle. By the time I went to the hallway, got a fresh roll, and came back in, the toilet was still running. I hadn't put the seat down, and in all my pregnant clumbsiness, I managed to drop the plastic thing that holds the toilet paper to the wall... dropped it into the toilet.
 
The flushing toilet.
 
And since I'm so pregnant and awkward, by the time I was able to bend down to stick my hand in the water to grab it, the toilet finished flushing. And it took the plastic piece with it.
 
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!!!
 
I folded into a pile of tears and self-hatred, since I knew there was no way that would go through the plumbing and us just be able to pretend like it never happened. Puff flushed it with just water, and of course, it went down OK. But the second he tried to flush any paper down, it got clogged. After both of us took showers, we had to call the plumber. Again. They're beginning to like our stupidity.
 
The plumber was great and he told us as soon as he got here that he would have to remove the entire toilet and reach up into it to get the plastic piece out. Except, the first attempt, he couldn't get it. It wasn't in the trap. It was caught in the zig-zaggy part, so it would require a more heavy-duty tool and a lot more effort. At that point, we were informed that if he couldn't get it out, we would be talking about having to buy and install a new toilet. Yeah, that sounded like exactly what I wanted to hear as I was holding back tears and writing on my private blog about how I felt like a waste.
 
Thankfully, he was able to fish it out. And he even spent a lot of extra time reinstalling the toilet and trying to get it level (it had been a little wonky on our old, uneven floors) and recaulked the entire thing. He even replaced one of the pieces on the bottom for us at no charge. And even though some other thing to straighten out the toilet was recommended, he said if we were OK with it not sitting entirely level, the $400 for that would be better spent on our baby. Damn straight!
 
The lesson in all of this? I am not allowed to change the toilet paper roll ever again. I also should probably close the toilet lid immediately after use, so not to tempt fate and have anything else fall in there that doesn't belong. Also, it was good practice for when we have a toddler. Puff said he may have to buy a toilet lock before then, just to keep me from causing any more $300+ plumber visits.
 
Just a reminder that tomorrow will be Bimmer's birthday! So, my apologies for being MIA for a few days. I will be back as quickly as I can with updates on her arrival, plus, I have about 18 pre-written posts that I can pull from to keep you reading! Send lots of good thoughts and prayers tomorrow for an easy labor. Those exist right?

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