Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Feminine Hygiene

Ok, so yes, Bimmer is here. I promise I will update soon... once I have had a few more hours of sleep. In the meantime, here's a funny story for ya...


Stick with me here, as I take you on a monumentally circuitous route to get to how the best high school band ever was formed...
 
In early May, a story broke at my old high school about a 33 year old female teacher supposedly hooking up with a 15 year old male student. Shocker! I know! Apparently it can happen anywhere!
 
That topic led to me and Rowdy having a conversation via text early one morning about how it was probably a good thing there were never any hot male teachers in their early twenties when I was a senior. Because I totally would have hit on them.
 
That reminded us then of the hot California surfer dude of a substitute teacher we had in freshman Spanish class. And that Greek (I think he was Greek???) stud muffin of a long-term English sub from our junior year, whom we affectionally dubbed Dr. D.
 
One of my dear friends had a massive crush on Dr. D. And when I say massive, I really mean it. Like, we somehow found out where he lived and would sometimes drive past his house on the way home from a night out. He lived on a main street, so it wasn't hard. Plus, he liked to live with his blinds open and his lights on inside when it was dark out. One night, he appeared in the window as we were creeping past... and he bent over.
 
WE SAW DR. D'S ASS IN THE WINDOW!!!!
 
Sometime during that winter, we got an overload of snow. As bored teenage girls, a few of us headed out in search of something to keep us occupied on a dreary Friday night. Please don't ask me how this ever came to be our decision, but we found ourselves at Walgreens, buying the largest box of generic brand tampons they had. What did we do with said tampons? We drove around town and threw them in people's yards, so that when the snow melted, they would have tampons in their grass. (To clarify, they were NOT used. That's just nasty!) Several of those launched tampons ended up in Dr. D's front yard. The rest of them? Well, we drove down one particularly long residential street in the next town over, and did our best to land them in truck beds, on top of cars, in open mailboxes, and on people's front porches.
 
Sometime the next fall, after a football game, we were chilling at a local hangout diner, and were discussing my cousin's entrance into a Battle of the Bands competition in town. Four giggly girls decided to start coloring on the placemats to come up with our own fictional band. I'm pretty sure I played bass, because it's always been the sexiest instrument to me. I know Miss was on drums, because she "liked to bang things." We decidedly took it too far when we created a fictional website with band member bios and a few song lyrics too. (I never claimed to not be a giant nerd in high school!) Our second album was going to be entitled "Self-Titled Debut" because I found something ironic and cool about it.
 
And the name of the band, you wonder?
 
TAMPON NECESSITY
 
See... somehow, this story just came full circle.

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