Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Haunting Photos

At the height of my nesting, I decided to tackle the paperwork abyss that is our office desk. Puff's "filing system" seems to be to just toss in any paper he thinks he might ever need again, plus business cards, postcards, photos, CDs, and travel brochures, into random drawers. Even though I never open them, I know it's there. And it hurts my head just thinking about such nonsense.
So, one day, I started digging. I found more than I bargained for. Yup... I found his stash of photos of his ex-girlfriends.
And at 8 months pregnant, I was feeling like this...
And the photos I was holding in my hand seemed to look like this...
I'd be hypocritical if I told him to get rid of them, seeing as I have lots of photos of Mr. Smith and a handful of The Ex. (Mostly just because they were from travels and I look super cute in them.) There may be one or two of guys from before them too. And I won't get rid of them. So, I don't expect Puff to toss his. I guess I just hate knowing that he has them. I don't know why... we've been married about 2 years, together for 4, and are welcoming a baby practically any day. I have no more need to worry about these women than he has to worry about me running off with Jason Statham.
Although, if that were an option....
Is it OK to be an emotional hoarder and keep photos and letters, etc. from your ex? Should there be a time limit on it? Or should there just be an unwritten rule to stash those items where your current honey won't find them? I don't want to be the wife who refuses to acknowledge Puff had a life before we met. I've known too many women like that and they irk me. I have a past and so does he. I just wonder, sometimes, how much of that past we need to cling to and when is it best to just let go?
I think the photo that upset me the most was one of him and the Slutasian one Halloween. (We all know my distaste for her to begin with!) But in this photo, she was wearing a costume that Puff has repeatedly mentioned that he would want ME to wear for him.,The minute I saw it, my heart just sank. I'm not into that sorta thing anyway, but to know he has already had one woman in that costume just completely killed his chances for me to ever wear it for him in the future. I would be constantly thinking about her. And whether or not Puff was comparing us. And feeling unspecial, since it wasn't something new for us to enjoy together.
I don't care if we go to restaurants they used to frequent or take hikes they once took. I hope that he feels the same way. But sometimes you just can't recreate something with someone else. Here's hoping he will drop the whole costume thing. And here's hoping I can get that image out of my mind. We have better things to focus on right now... like creating our own memories and our own happiness. It's time to put the past, in the past.

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