Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Want a Rubber Ducky Too?

When I take a shower, I need a lot of things to make sure I am adequately clean. I need shampoo, conditioner, shaving gel, a razor, a bar of soap, body scrub, a pouf, and face wash.
What does Puff need? A bottle of Pantene 2-in-1. That's it.
We've been together over 3 years now and I'm still trying to figure out how in the heck anything but his hair ever gets clean. And what he's doing in there for 10 to 15 minutes each morning. Trust me, the OCD I have with noises kicks into overdrive almost every morning. The sound of the shower hitting any water pooled in the tub is enough to send shivers down my spine and want me to curl up in the fetal position and cry. It makes it worse knowing he's probably not cleaning himself in there, but rather standing there singing into the showerhead.
Puff and I have never showered together in all the time we've been together. I always tell him I'd like to once, just so I can see what exactly he's doing. It intrigues me... a bit like how hurricanes intrigue me. I want to experience it just once, so I know what it's all about. The Ex and I would shower together on a regular basis. It saved time and water. We had a little dance of who got the water when. It worked out for years.
The one and only time Puff got into the shower with me, he got out about a minute later. Apparently my invite, which was meant as a time saver, was mistakenly taken as an invite to get frisky. Here I was just trying to wash my hair and he's groping me. Um.... no, sir. No sex in water. I learned my lesson with that in college. He retreated, feeling deflated. We've never attempted it since.
I'm secretly hoping Puff is sneaking my raspberry scented body scrub and washing himself. At least from time to time. Maybe I need to start sniffing him when he gets out. Sometimes, I'm convinced that men never grow up. Sometimes, it's like being married to an 8 year old.

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