Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Insert Cock Joke

You can't lick our cocks! But can I lick yours?
 
When I was 18 years old and was trying to pick the perfect college, I decided on the University of South Carolina. After a few weeks of people asking me why I chose it, I was getting tired of saying that I liked their program, or I liked the people, or I liked the fact that it didn't snow there. Finally, I decided my answer would be: I chose USC because I wanted to wear a hat that said "Cocks" on it, and not have people look at me funny.
 
It worked. No one bats an eye.
 
Anyway, I've been out of college now for a few years longer than I care to admit. I'm not super excited about sending them more money after all the tuition I dumped for my education. I'm a fair-weather alumni with regards to the associations and the cash I'm willing to donate. Typically, I get a few offers a year, typically accompanied by a promise of a free t-shirt or water bottle or something equally as useless.
 
However, they hit the jackpot with this most recent offer:


Really, USC? Duct tape? You're asking an almost thirtysomething year old woman to donate a minimum of $50 and get a roll of FUCKING DUCT TAPE?!?! And on top of that, you give me a list of how to injure and/or impede my opponents? Good luck getting PETA off your case if they see this letter you sent to all of us!
 
That being said, I literally cannot stop laughing.
 
This shit is brilliant.

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