Wednesday, April 20, 2011

A Tribute to 4/20

In observation of today's date, I thought it was only appropriate to share a story from my college days.
Now, don't go calling me Mary Jane. I know better. I leave the drugs to Puff. (Get it... Puff the Magic Dragon... Anyway...) The real significance behind the term "420" in my realm is that was the room number of my dorm room my junior year of college. Somehow, we scored the biggest apartment on campus and took full advantage of our luck! By far, that year of school held the most excitement, best stories, most love, most heartache, and the best friends a girl could ever need.
To call that year of my life a bit rebellious is probably a vast understatement. That's probably why I have so many fantastic memories! This one, in particular, stemmed from a bit of internet rousing we got ourselves into. Internet chatrooms somehow became a hilarious place when one was drinking and/or extremely bored. So, one night, I met this guy named Matt (or something generic like that) who was from another town in SC, but came to Columbia on business fairly regularly. We chatted for awhile about mundane, boring topics, and swapped photos. He wasn't bad looking. I denoted a loss on the evening, since he wasn't nearly as fun or funny as I wished him to be.
A few nights later, he sent me an IM. (Remember those?) He was in town and wanted to see if I wanted to meet up. It was maybe 9pm on a week night, and I wasn't really feeling it, but I figured, why the heck not? What can it hurt? I was always up for meeting someone new in those days. (These days, I've learned my lesson!) We decided I would just come to his hotel, which was only a few minutes down the street, and hang out there. (Brilliant, right?) So... after securing his name, phone number, employer, and probably his social security number (for my protection) and handing it off to Kimhead, I bid farewell to my roomies and headed off to the Hampton Inn.
He met me in the lobby, looking wrinkled after a long day of working. He wasn't very talkative, or friendly, really. But I went up to his room anyway. I sat in the chair while he sat on the bed. We tried to find a stimulating point of conversation, but it wasn't happening. After a few minutes, he ducked into the bathroom for bit, while I watched TV. After giving it the good ol' college try for about 15 to 20 minutes, I decided he just wasn't doing it for me. So, it was time to leave. I had been gone all of about a half hour to 45 minutes by this point. (I swear, the timing is relevant in the end!) When I got to the parking lot, I called Kimhead to tell her I was alive and on my way home. The following conversation ensued:
Me: I'm alive. I'm coming home.
Kimhead: Good. I'm glad you're alive.
::Quick pause::
Kimhead: Did you sleep with him?
Me: ::giggles:: I'll be back soon. BYE!
The result of my response to her ridiculous question would simultaneously haunt me and provide me one of the most hilarious moments of my college experience. I'm still, to this day, trying to figure out why they would just assume I slept with the guy that frickin' fast! Dude... I know I'm not an angel, but really? Am I that big of a whore to you?!?!?!
I was back to the parking garage by our dorm within 10 minutes. Since we had the "penthouse suite" we had huge window right above the entrance. As I was approaching the building, I could see there was something in the window that didn't typically belong there. The closer I got, the more it came into focus. And the overwhelming urge to fall to the ground in a fit of laughter quickly ensued. It was a giant sign that read: Gail got laid!!!!!
I'm pretty sure when I got upstairs, there were 3 giggly college girls in the living room waiting for my slutty story. Unfortunately, the story of the night turned out to be the giant proclamation of my failed sexual rendezvous with a random guy from the internet. The only way it could even get better was if someone outside our circle had seen it. Don't worry... a few days later, I was in line at the cafeteria in the student union, and a cute guy from my program came up to me to congratulate me.
Damn straight, I got laid in college... just not this night. I do have some standards!

No comments: