Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Drowning

I have a whole new respect for single parents.
 
Even when Puff tries his hardest, I still pull the bulk of the weight in household chores and baby wrangling. But lately, he's been having to put in some long hours at the office, which cuts into any possible "get shit done" time that I would normally have in the evenings. Couple that with back-to-back weekends out of town, and my life has quickly tumbled into chaos!
 
My typical day goes like this... Wake up, get ready, get Bimmer ready, feed Bimmer, take Bimmer to daycare, work a 9 hour day (sometimes more), pick up Bimmer, pack Bimmer's lunch for the next day, feed Bimmer a snack, let Bimmer take a 30-60 minute nap on my chest while I watch TV, cook dinner for me and Puff, feed Bimmer dinner, clean/laundry/etc. while Puff gives Bimmer a bath, have a few minutes of family time, give Bimmer a bottle and go to bed!
 
There's barely time to make sure I have enough clean underwear, let alone have the time I want to dedicate to things like writing, organizing photos, and scrapbooking. Forget it. I've got to make sure I take time to eat!
 
I'm not griping. Not really, anyway. Do I sometimes wish Puff would take more initiative to get stuff done while I'm putting Bimmer to bed? Sure. But do I also understand that he needs some time to himself to unwind? Yes. However, I need it too. And I need it SOON! He gets a few hours every day. I'm lucky if I get a few hours every few weeks. And that's normally for an occasion like girl's night out or a trip to the grocery store. Yes, grocery shopping is now an "occasion." There's never just quiet time to sit with the windows open, curl up with a good book, or watch "Hannibal" without the baby waking up.
 
I will fully admit to going to the tanning bed just to have 15 minutes of silence. It's glorious.
 
I'm not full-out struggling, but life is definitely limping along. It's a wonder more people don't divorce during the first year after a child is born. Puff and I have no time together anymore. We haven't shared a bed in a year and a half. Date nights are expensive, since we don't have family nearby as free babysitters. Intimacy is out the window. We fight much more often. We are both tired, run down, overworked, and overwhelmed.
 
Yet, I know there are others out there with much bigger problems. There are others with much more difficult situations. I think we are in need of a change. A big one. Something life altering... in a good way. I have a few ideas of what that could be, but I haven't really gotten through to the execution part yet. We'll see.
 
In the meantime. I'm going to be thankful for 10 minutes of Daddy-Daughter time that happened so I could have the time to get this off my chest.

1 comment:

The Fischer Family said...

I'm sorry you are struggling right now! I do understand. I feel like a single parent the month of January through most of April bc of tax season. Steven will pull 10-12 hour days 4 days or more a week during this time. It kills me!! And I don't even work outside the home! So I commend you for getting through it all! Being a parent is the hardest job in the world. But it's also the most rewarding. You will get to the point where life will start to feel more in control and you and Puff will find that place again that reminds you why you fell in love in the first place. Take a moment each day, even if it's a hug and kiss that lasts at least 10 seconds or a snuggle for 5 minutes on the couch before you head off to bed. This will pass, and you will be stronger for it!!