Sunday, October 28, 2012

The King & I

(I wrote this months ago and just found it! Woops!)
Before I had Bimmer, I thought people were exaggerating when they said they spent a lot of time talking about their baby's bowel movements.
They were not.
At the start of July, Puff and I loaded Bimmer into the car and set out toward Florida. We had a long way to go (since my mom is down near Sarasota, which might as well be in frickin' Jamaica) so we split the trip into two parts. Our first night, our aim was to get a few hours past Atlanta. Bimmer did awesome on the drive, especially as we sat through rush hour downtown traffic in the ATL. She finally woke up, right on schedule, when it was time for her to eat.
Thankfully, there was an exit a few miles up and we were able to stop at a Burger King to get her out to feed her. I sat in a booth and fed her a bottle while Puff ordered our meal. We rotated who held her while the other adult ate, and when it was time for Puff to feed her, the baby pooped. No big deal. Restaurants have baby changing tables in their bathrooms, right?
Wrong. Not in fast food joints!
No problem. We can just change her on the back seat of the car. I'd read about other bloggers preferring that actually. It can't be that hard, right?
Were you aware that seats slope? And 5 week old babies who are super wiggly and have a very runny poopy diaper don't mix well with sloping seats?
So... I must point out that this entire disaster was of no fault of Bimmer's. The poor girl didn't know what hit her. One second she was just needing a diaper change and the next minute, she was being held up butt-ass naked in the middle of the Burger King parking lot.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
I put down her changing pad on the seat and was doing my best to hold her in place with one hand, to keep from sliding, and changing the diaper with the other. Except somewhere in that scenario, I managed to get some poop up farther on her back than I realized, and it subsequently got on her onesie, which got it on the changing pad, which got it on my hand. And lead to me trying to hold my baby from slipping and getting even dirtier and trying to fight to pull wipes out of the damn container. What was Puff doing? Laughing hysterically and trying to take pictures with his phone.
Needless to say, I was not amused.
(I have no idea why this is sideways and I am too lazy to try to fix it)
Eventually, the scene was a dirty diaper and lots of dirty wipes on the ground in the parking lot with me holding the baby totally naked in the air trying to wipe off her back and the changing pad, with Puff still trying to take more photos. (And for all of that effort, he still only ended up with one picture!) Thankfully, I had the foresight to pack a spare outfit in the back seat of the car, so we didn't have to go digging through our suitcase to find her something. And we had plastic bags in her diaper bag, so the poopy outfit was able to go into the trunk, so we didn't have to smell it for another 2 hours. (I had to wash it in the hotel sink with Dawn dish detergent later that night!)
Lesson learned? You bet! The next morning when we got her out of the car seat at Wendy's and she had a dirty diaper, I figured I would try the front seat instead. When I noticed that would clearly not work, the baby got changed on the floor of the front passenger side of the car. I'm sure the people in the drive-thru line thought I was nuts. But hey, it was the best I could come up with at the time. If you have any better baby-changing-in-the-car suggestions, please let me know.
If nothing else, we got a good chuckle of the entire thing. Bimmer didn't seem to be scarred for life because of it. And I'm sure the family eating in the window at Burger King enjoyed their dinner entertainment.

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