Monday, August 13, 2012

Get Your Act Together

Ever hear something that is just so outlandishly false, yet flattering at the same time? I’ve had several people mention recently how impressed they are that I have my shit together, with being the mom of a newbie. Well, here’s some news for you… it’s crazy easy to portray that you have your shit together when those people aren’t involved in your everyday lives. Posting status updates to Facebook or blogs are all carefully controlled. I know you’re reading and watching. So why would I post anything but the best?

Don’t get me wrong. I greatly appreciate the compliment. And I do, honestly, strive to have things in place and going according to plan. I don’t want Puff coming home to a chaotic mess every night. I don’t want my life to feel like it’s spiraling out of control. On the flip side, as my Granny said, on my death bed, I won’t be worried about dirty dishes. I will be happy I spent all the time I could with Bimmer.

So, here ya go. Here’s the shit NOT together…

Yup… that’s mildew on the ceiling in my bathroom. I have no idea how to get rid of it. I also have no time to research how to get rid of it. But I still shower in there every day. (Yes, getting a shower is mandatory!)

What does Bimmer do when I am showering?

Sometimes, you just gotta put them down and let them cry. I know she’s not hurt or in danger. I make sure she goes down with a clean diaper and a full stomach. I hate it and I feel bad. Which is why I’m not always necessarily as put together as I would like to be. I rarely wear makeup or put on a bra. I lounge around in Puff’s t-shirts and some elastic waist running shorts. I only ever put shoes on to go get the mail or to carry poopy diapers to the trash. My hair dryer has forgotten what it feels like to be plugged in. I usually only get to shave my legs every other day. And my feet? Forget it.

Sorry, Puff. I know you hate feet. Especially unpainted and uncut toenails. And is that a hair on my big toe? Yeah… really got my shit together, right?

I do make a point to go through the house at least once a day to collect things and put them back where they belong. I straighten couch cushions and put the baby’s toys away. But there are times of the day when it just looks like this. Unpaid bills, paperwork to be filed, baby announcements to mail that are two months late, and thank you cards for gifts I don’t even remember receiving.

This is that chaotic mess I don’t want Puff to come home to at night. In fact, I don’t even like to see it at noon either. Clean dishes in the dishwasher that can’t be unloaded when the baby is asleep, yet can’t be unloaded one-handed while holding her either. So the dirty dishes pile up. The dirty bottles are in half of the sink while the clean ones dry on the counter. The formula wasn’t put away in the cabinet and a medicine bottle was left out in the rush for Puff to get out the door to work. It’ll stay that way most of the day. Yet, at some point, it will get on my nerves enough to make it disappear. And then I will present it that way to my husband, my friends, and the interGoogle. I will make it look as if I have all my ducks in a row. The perfect little Stepford Wife.

And what will Bimmer be doing while I am washing bottles, doing laundry, and taking out the trash?

Please refer to her photo above.

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