Thursday, September 8, 2011

The List

Disclaimer: Puff, you probably will want to skip this entry. ::Insert smiley face with halo::
 
Recently, Dooce posted about "The List." (HERE)
 
Now, Puff does not endorse this whole list idea. You know the one I'm talking about; the one I totally thought every couple in the world had until I tried to address this important topic with my husband. The list of 5 famous people you totally are allowed to have sex with, if they just happen to call you up and request your naked company. Puff is adamantly against this idea. Even though I prod him with suggestions like Anne Hathaway and Jennifer Aniston.
 
He refuses to play along.
 
So, in total and utter marriage defiance, I'm going to publicize my much-thought-out "Famous People to Fuck" list. ::Insert drumroll::
 
Number One:
 
 
Sir Robbie Williams. Of course he's at the top of this list. Never mind that he's somewhat bi-sexual at times. I can look past that if he sings to me before we make love.
 
Number Two:
 
 
Really, you can't be surprised that he's near the top of this list. Have you seen his body? He could totally swing you around and do back-flips while holding on to you and it would be the most mind-blowing sex of your life. I just know it. Damn that Victoria's Secret model he's dating. Damn her to Hell. (I also couldn't resist posting another pic of him for that reader of mine who finds him filthy. Maybe I'm into filthy.)
 
Number Three:
 
 
I had to give some love to my man, JBJ. That voice. That swagger. That hair. Mmmmmm.... All good reminders of the super sexy poster I had hanging in all my dorm rooms over the years.
 
Now here is where I had to start weeding out some very possible contenders like Troy Aikman, Craig Ferguson, Tom Colicchio, Jake Gyllenhaal, Chad Kroger from Nickelback, and vintage Brad Pitt from "Legends of the Fall."
 
Number Four:
 
 
I can't spell his last name, so I won't even try. But really, if we're hooking up, I'm totally calling him "Booth" anyway and trying to convince him that it's a really, super bad idea to have sex with "Bones" on the side. I would require him to wear his Cocky belt buckle and colorful socks during sex though. With his gun nearby. That'd be crazy hot. Never mind that I'm obviously much more attracted to his TV character than him in real life.
 
It gets even trickier here. So tricky, in fact, I was texting Kimhead and Mr. Smith to ask for their suggestions. That somehow lead to a discussion about Robbie Williams in an orgy with me and some other gay guy and a video camera. Anyway... Jude Law, Orlando Bloom, and Ryan Reynolds were over-ruled by this guy...
 
Number Five:
 
 
Now, I had actually decided on someone else in this #5 spot, but then watching E! News I was reminded of a much more suitable person... Paul Rudd. He's adorable, sweet, funny, cute, and just seems like he'd be that perfect person to make a real rom-com fantasy come true!
 
Honorable Mention:
 
 
When I questioned some of my best friends on who they thought I should choose, they were all coming back with a reminder of my love for Johnny Depp. A co-worker told me she thinks he's kinda dirty. But I'm pretty sure we already established that I'm pretty much OK with that attribute. Plus, for some reason, I figure he's right at that perfect age to be a fabulous lover. 
 
I threw out this question to Facebook and got back some good feedback too. Justin Timberlake? Hadn't thought of him, but I could totally see it. And sorry Rach, but you can have Vin Diesel. I'm into bald guys, but he just doesn't do it for me. Any other super amazingly hot celebrities you'd like to see naked? Do you and your spouse have a list? Anyone else think Puff's full of shit when he says he'd turn down Halle Berry because he loves me too much?
 
Crap... and I just realized I forgot about Hugh Jackman. Can I have a top twenty instead? And am I the only one who noticed that with the exception of Robbie (who is 37) that I obviously have a thing for guys in their 40s?  

1 comment:

The Fischer Family said...

MMMMM...JBJ, Johnny Depp...I laughed out loud when I saw you *thinking* about Troy Aikman!!! Glad to know some things don't change!!! LMAO!