A funny thing happened last week when I went back to work.
I was excited.
I had envisioned having to sneak away to the bathroom to sob about leaving Bimmer. I thought I would want to take my lunch breaks to stare at every photo of her on my phone. I thought every ounce of me would resent having to be at the office.
But it didn't work out that way.
That's not to say I didn't miss her endlessly and wish I was cuddled up with her on the couch in our pajamas watching "Criminal Minds" and "Project Runway." But at the same time, it was good to feel needed and wanted in a career setting. All the girls in the office were soooooo excited for me to start and were insanely welcoming. We hit it off right away and I am loving that the office is full of much younger people than my last job. It's good to have other young career-minded mommies to commiserate with.
I was always good at what I did for a living. That's not to toot my own horn, but it's true. I was dedicated and focused and busted my ass to make sure things were done. And done right. I fully intend to do that at this new job as well... just not to the detriment of my family. There's a fine line there and I will have to find it. Of course, only having 3 days under my belt so far, it's hard to know how much insanity looms ahead.
Puff has been great about helping out in the mornings so I can get ready stress-free and without a crying baby. No... she keeps that for after I'm ready and have held her for awhile and pass her off to Nanny. I had no idea that babies this little had stranger anxiety, but she did about make me cry on Friday morning. She was fine while I was holding her and then screamed when Nanny had her while I went to change clothes. When I came back into the room, Bimmer calmed down and smiled at me and grabbed my finger. But as soon as I let go and walked into the other room to leave, she just screamed as loud as she could. Oh... so heartbreaking!
I do think being excited about the work and my work environment will definitely help with being away from Bimmer during the day. She is in good hands with Nanny and (ultimately) I know she will get used to it all. We're all just beginning this new phase of our lives, so it's way too soon to jump in and say that everything is great and we definitely made the right decision. Time will tell if we are doing the right thing. But my initial gut instinct feels good. And that makes that sobbing I hear as I leave the door each morning a bit easier to swallow.