Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Bimmer is Bimmer

I am slowly coming to a realization. Or rather, I came to it quickly months ago, but am slowly becoming willing to accept it.

You cannot compare your pregnancy/delivery/recovery/child with anyone else's pregnancy/delivery/recovery child.

It will drive you mad. And you will be petrified of taking a poop after your C-section.

Just because your aunt was in labor for 74 hours, doesn't mean that I will be. And just because you weren't able to eat for 2 days after your delivery, doesn't mean that I can't chow down on Nutella crepes from IHop within 6 hours of giving birth. If you listen to everyone and their advice and wisdom, you'll end up wanting to crawl into an eternal hole!

I understand that people mean well. And sometimes, when I post something on Facebook, I expect people to comment. You know what's super unhelpful though? When I am bitching about Bimmer not sleeping through the night and you decide to point out that your cousin's baby has slept through the night since she was 3 weeks old. Totally not fucking cool. It's in those sleep deprived moments that your comments hold the most weight, and I feel like a failure as a mother.

Another thing I've learned since having Bimmer? That no matter how helpful you think you are being, or how much you just *know* you're right, giving advice to a mother when you're not one yourself holds little merit. I'm guilty of it. I worked with kids and had little cousins and had friends who had babies. But your entire perspective changes when you're the one responsible. When you're in the trenches, you analyze situations differently. You take lots of other factors into consideration. So just because your brother's baby liked to be swaddled, doesn't mean that will work for Bimmer. And just because your co-worker has 12 variations of the same exersaucer, doesn't mean I want that for my baby.

I'm lucky to have some close friends who have gone through all of this before me. And I am beyond grateful that they have been there to answer my questions and offer suggestions. They understand that not all babies are the same. They understand the constant battle in my mind over what is right and wrong. Their support goes a long way when I feel like I am out of options.

My baby is alert and active. She always has been. She does not like to sit still and lounge in your arms. She doesn't like to take long naps. She never has. She wants to be able to wiggle about and move. She wants to be held to check out her surroundings and learn more about the world. I imagine she will be early to crawl and will be into everything possible. She also talks a lot. She knows how to sleep through the night, but doesn't always want to. Sometimes cooing and kicking and laughing at Mommy at 3am is just more fun.

She's not a bad baby. I don't think I am doing anything wrong. But when I hear about babies who are just content to chill, I wonder why Bimmer doesn't do that. When she will sleep through the night in bed with me, but then won't sleep in her crib, I wonder what class on parenthood I missed to get that one right. But then I step back and realize that Bimmer is, well, Bimmer. She's not Layla or Alyssa or Taj or Ashley or any other baby. She does things at her own pace, her own speed, her own way.

Sounds just like her Mommy.


The Fischer Family said...

The fact that you can recognize this is awesome! Every baby is different! The hardest is to not compare your own kids to each other! That is so hard! Yoy are an awesome mom! Bimmer is adorable! She reminds me of Bri! Strong willed and ready to take on the world! Hang in there and take all advice with a grain of salt. Trust your instincts! Afterall, Bimmer is YOUR baby, no one else's! In the end you know best for her!

Jenni said...

My sister-in-law had her baby, Ethan, 5 months after Elise was born. Talk about two different kids. Ethan walked before Elise. He will probably read before she does. But there are things that Elise does better. She generally does exactly what we ask of her, sleeps through the night, and acts more like a grown-up than a 5 year old. I can tell you honestly that I had very little to do with this, and my sis-in-law says the same about Ethan. There are some traits kids are just born with. As parents, we do our best to encourage some of these innate traits while discouraging others.

Bimmer is Bimmer, and thank God for that. The world would be boring if we were all the same. Try to enjoy all of these moments--even the frustrating ones. She'll only be this age once. Try to let all the unneeded advice go in one ear and out the other. And if all else fails, turn off the computer, get some wine, and relax. :)