As much as I hate to admit it, I need help.
That's a pretty fucking hard thing for Miss Type A over here to say out loud. I'm not exactly good at asking for help or delegating things to other people. Why ask someone else to do something that I am perfectly capable of doing myself, and if I do it, it will be much more self-satisfying and cause me less stress and worry. However, Bimmer is already teaching me a good lesson about how to be a good mom. And good moms need help.
During my hell week at work, I typically run about 9320483 miles a day, lose at least 5 pounds, survive on chocolate covered pretzel samples and perhaps the occasional piece of pizza if I can sneak a slice. I don't sleep right, eat right, or treat myself right. But this year, Bimmer had other plans for Mommy. After a day and a half of acting like I was the same ol' Gail of yesteryear, it hit me. My body started to rebel. My back ached in ways I never knew possible. And the scariest part... I started to get cramps. Abdominal cramps that felt like I was about to start my period. I was awake half the night in tears, freaking out in the guest bedroom as Puff slept soundly in the other room. I tried to text him to see if he could get me an ice pack, but he ignored the text for too long, so I had to get it myself. (Even though, at that point, he was awake and reading still.) That was when it hit me... I've got to figure out a way to let people know I need their help right now. And I may need more help than ever before as we approach May.
I started to tear up telling my boss that next morning that I wouldn't be able to properly do my job. He was pretty cool about it and promised to let me do whatever I needed to do to make sure I was taking care of myself AND my job. I have to give my assistants, A & L, a total rock star shout out, because they saved my ass that week. I am indebted to them forever for their awesomeness! All told, the week went well on the work front, and I was able to ask for help from everyone around me to make it happen. And they were all more than happy to oblige. It's such a humbling feeling to know that so many people care about me and Bimmer and want to help make sure we are resting and taking it easy, even when that seems impossible.
Now I've just got to figure out how to ask for help from Puff. He's stepped up occasionally without too much prodding (carrying a dirty bowl from my perch on the couch to the kitchen, or cleaning the bathroom before Kimhead came to visit) but other times, it's like he's oblivious to my plight. Yes, I know I asked for this baby and I knew it wouldn't be easy. But I'm carrying his child, so he needs to take care of me the best he ever has before. One night got exceptionally obvious that I need to be a bit more straight-forward in my approach to asking him for help. We had a house guest, so we had to sleep in the same bed for the first time in about 2 months. My big week had just ended and I was suffering from aches & pains from my shoulders to my back to a cramping calf muscle that made it almost impossible to stand. When his snoring got obnoxious and I wasn't able to sleep, I hinted at us needing to sleep separately. He didn't get the hint until I was wincing in pain, climbing out of bed to unplug my fan to relocate to the couch. It wasn't until I was halfway out the door and muttered that he was kind of an asshole that it clicked in his brain that perhaps, of all the nights, this would be a good one to step up and be chivalrous and offer to go to the couch himself.
The feeling of helplessness that I've occasionally had to deal with lately is a feeling I honestly hate. I am a strong, independent woman who has never backed down from a challenge. This is just a challenge of a new type. It's a challenge to take the best care of myself and my body (and my baby) and realize that the world won't end if I can't run around work like normal. And if there are piles of stuff on the dining room table for longer than I normally like, well, either Puff will need to step up and start being proactive, or I've got to let it go. It's going to be super hard, but I've got a few more months of baby-baking to keep my eye on.
So... thank you to anyone and everyone who has run like a mad-woman for me, argued with clients for me, brought me food and ice packs, and all the other things I can't even begin to list. You guys are all amazing team players and it makes it a lot easier to want to be a part of that team when I've got great people like you!