It's funny how I'm still realizing the universe has my greater good in mind.
I was recently scrolling down my Facebook news feed, when I noticed an article that a friend from college had posted. The name of the author sounded familiar, so I clicked on it. (You can read it HERE.) As soon as I went to the website, I recognized the author, Sarah Mae. I randomly had a chance to meet her earlier this year. I also have her book, "Desperate," laying on my desk, just waiting for a quiet moment to be able to pick it up. I have a gut feeling it is going to provide me with a lot of comfort.
The blog post she had written that my friend had shared was about how her daughter just needed her sometimes. It can be taken as the child misbehaving, not listening, or being disrespectful, but sometimes, they're just trying to get your attention because they crave and need that attention from you.
That hit hard with the Queen of Multitasking over here.
My typical evening routine is coming home, giving the baby a bottle, and letting her sit on the kitchen floor with it while I unpack her school bag, pack her lunch for the next day, prep dinner, etc. One night, about a week before seeing this article, Bimmer walked over to me with her bottle and was rubbing my leg. She followed me back and forth a few times from the sink to the fridge and back again. All right at my feet. I finally stopped what I was doing and picked her up. She slung one arm around my neck, put her head down on my shoulder, and laid there until she had finished every last drop of her bottle. Then she looked up, gave me a huge grin, and wiggled her way back down to the floor to play.
Had I not stopped to pick her up, I would have never had that moment with her. She needed her Mommy and I needed her in return; I just didn't know it.
Since that day, I have made a very conscious effort to make sure I'm not missing things like that. One night, we sat together on the bedroom floor for 30 minutes watching videos of Bimmer on my phone. Another, she laid with me on the bed pointing to my eyes, nose, mouth repeatedly, smiling proudly when she got it right. And yet another, she let me hold her in my arms on the couch, like a baby, as we rubbed our noses together, and she giggled and giggled.
I have caught some grief at times about our co-sleeping with Bimmer. It wasn't necessarily a decision I set out to make. But in hindsight, all those nights of snuggles were good for both of us. I miss it, but it's good for her to assert some independence and stay in her crib. That's not to say I don't sometimes let her get into bed with me if she wakes up around 5am. I love weekend mornings with her in bed with me... when she wakes up and crawls right up to you and pats your face until you open an eye. Then she just gives you the biggest, toothiest, grin imaginable. Melts. My. Heart.
I'm hoping Puff will take some time to step back and assess his relationship with Bimmer as well. We both have room for improvement in taking time to just BE with our baby girl. She's growing up way too fast and before we know it, she won't want to hug on us and won't need us as much. I am promising to make memories... even if it's just a generic memory of me being there for her as she grows.