There's been something weighing pretty heavily on my shoulders recently. And I haven't had the guts to actually talk to anyone about it. Probably because I know it's not something that would ever materialize. As much as I'm an open book, sometimes I just don't know how to lay it all out there. Especially on something this deep.
I've been thinking a lot lately about adoption.
I'm sure the idea has been spawned by several blogs I read (HERE and HERE) and their stories of adoption. It's fresh in my mind and my heart right now.
Over the course of my adult life, I've been touched here and there by adoption. Mr. Smith was adopted as an infant, and that fact alone had me thinking that if he and I were to get married, we would adopt. So this isn't a totally new concept for me to be thinking of this. (Although back then, I thought we'd have 3 kids of our own and then adopt 2 more!) I had a client that adopted several children from China. And I had another client who adopted 3 older siblings from Peru... after a 5 year process. It took them so long to get everything sorted out that they almost weren't able to adopt the oldest, since he was about to "age out" of the bracket they had given to start. I also have a good friend who adopted 2 children years ago that are thriving. And then I watched "The Little Couple" and their journey to adopt their son. Plus, I have a current co-worker who has literally saved 3 children's lives by adopting them. (One was sexually abused by his mother before the age of 3!!!)
As Puff and I weigh the pros and cons of another child, I can't help but think if adoption would be an option for us. The reality is, I don't think it will be. Puff had enough trouble figuring out if he could bond with Bimmer, let alone a child that is already born and not part of him. I'm not saying I don't think he could if he had to, but it would probably be forced. And I don't want that. Another big deterrent, is the time and the money it takes to adopt. As I mentioned, one couple had almost a 5 year wait for their kids. I am not sure my sanity could handle that type of stress and all the unknowns. Lastly, as shallow as it sounds, I'm also not sure I could handle some of the issues that come with having adopted children... possibly different race, disabilities, problems from their past, etc. I'm sure I could, if I had to, but it's such a large "WHAT IF" that it's scary.
My heart aches for all the children in this world that need love and support and a family. I want to be that type of person who can just jump on board and help. I have the utmost respect for those who are able to adopt and bow to them in their greatness. It makes me tear up to think about how wonderful they are. I want to be that wonderful. I just don't know that it's in the cards for us. We are a perfect little family of 3 right now, and there would have to be a lot of discussion and prayer before we even think about going to a family of 4... no matter the route we take to get there.
If you get nothing else from this babbling today... maybe I can inspire someone to go out and help... in any way you can. I need to learn to practice what I preach.