Monday, June 10, 2013

I Just Need Sleep

I'm writing this at 4:30am in the rural midwest. Puff and Bimmer are sound asleep in the big king bed at our B&B and have been that way for hours. I have been awake every hour since 10pm and have been wide awake now since 3am. It's not a fun place to be.
And I am resenting Puff with every ounce of my soul.
Since Puff and I have been together (almost 5 years now) sharing a bed has not been a favorite of ours. In fact, even since those spunky early days, one of us almost always would end up on the couch at some point. He would blame my small bed; I would blame his heavy breathing. As the years wore on and we lived together longer, we got in a better routine and actually made it through a lot of nights together in the same bed. But no snuggling. Sleeping is not time for snuggling. Stay on your side of the damn bed!
Once I got pregnant, we decided it was time for a split. From the early months of nausea, into the insomnia, and then into the weeks of being so big I was sleeping in a fort of pillows, it wasn't fair to either of us to share space. Those getting up every 30 minutes to pee weren't fair to Puff when he had to get up to go to work in the morning. Yet, here I sit, wide awake, with a full day of baby wrangling and hours (and hours) of driving to do tomorrow. Yet, Puff is the one sound asleep. Somehow, somewhere, along the way, "fair" must've gotten a new definition.
You see... as time has worn on, Puff's heavy breathing has segued into snoring. It's not normally as bad as it is tonight, but right now, he's full on grandpa-style. And I am kinda wanting to smother him with a pillow. My OCD with noises goes into hyper-drive with snoring. I am thinking very violent thoughts. The sleep deprivation isn't helping.
So... once Bimmer was born, we opted to do a split shift with her in her room. So, really, Puff and I haven't shared a bed since October 2011. And it's probably been the best year and a half of our relationship! Even when sharing baby duty, I think both of us were better for not having to share a bed. It's just not our style. And with "Operations Get In Yo Crib" about to commence after our trip, I am actually wondering if it will be the best option for us. Yes, I would like to have that free time to not always have to go to bed with her, especially on nights she wants to go to bed at 8pm. But on the flip side, I don't really want to go to bed with Puff either. In fact, I am dreading it.
I know some people will scoff at me saying that. I know some people will think we're horribly weird, or just plain horrible. I love my husband. But I love sleep too. And with battling around the idea of another baby, we may begin another roller-coaster of sleep here again soon. Maybe not. Either way, I am kinda maybe thinking that Bimmer is always going to end up with a roommate. It will just probably be me sneaking into her room, instead of the other way around. Instead of her climbing into bed with us because of a nightmare, she may get me climbing into her bed so I don't suffocate Daddy.
Oh, the joys of relationships. It's times like these I really miss having my own apartment. Such a fond, distant memory.

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