Settling Down

I'm (wo)man enough to admit it. Sometimes, I've experienced that "I wonder if the grass is greener elsewhere" phenomenon.

 

OK... don't freak out here people. I am crazy stupid in love with my husband, and minus the whole being unemployed thing, I'm also crazy stupid in love with my life.

 

But that doesn't mean that I haven't had that perfectly human question pop up into my head. It doesn't necessarily have to be in terms of a relationship, but really, any major life change or decision. What could have been? What should have been? Was this the right choice? Am I settling for something less than the best?

 

What does this have to do with anything? Well, it has to do with me changing up my walking routine. I've typically gone out in the early afternoon to stalk the mailman. Or well, it seems that way since he always drives past at the time I'm out. But a few days recently, I headed out mid-morning, before I bothered with a shower. Note to self: If you're going to do that on trash pick-up day, make sure you're going the opposite direction of the truck.

 

I digress...

 

What does this have to do with anything? Well, it has to do with the fact that on a few of those morning walks, I happened to pass our neighbor's house three doors up. It's an elderly couple that I don't think I had ever seen before, minus maybe through their windows when I was doing some night-time decorating stalking. On these few occasions, the man has pulled their van into their yard, up to their front door, and is helping his wife into the car. I'm not sure if she's in a wheelchair or uses a walker, but she definitely needs his help.

 

And seeing that made me tear up. In fact, thinking about it now as I'm writing this makes me tear up as well. For all the mistakes and bad decisions I've made in my life, marrying Puff wasn't one of them. And I'll be damned if I let myself fuck up this amazing thing we have. Because, I want to have him there to help me in the car when I'm old.

 

Our life is a never-ending roller coaster right now, and I long desperately for the day when it settles back into place. The love and support that Puff has given me through this rough patch shows me that he is in this for the long haul. I just hope he can put up with me for the rest of his life!

 

I'd like to dedicate this post to my mom's man-friend, Roger. They'd been "seeing" each other for the past few years, I guess. My mom is young at 52, but in a nursing facility. She struck up a relationship with Roger, whom I always pictured to be about 65 years old. They spent every Tuesday together. He was a painter with a gray ponytail. I never met him, but I knew he took great care of my mom and lit up her life. So, it was heartbreaking for me to find out that he had passed away. My mom was strong when telling me, but I know it was rough. He was 78 years old but had lived a long, full life. And I am so grateful to him for helping make the last few years of his life so special to my mother. I'm sure he felt the same way about her.