Tuesday, June 21, 2011

A Panty Problem

If Puff ever says he can get by without me in life, I'm going to immediately remind him of this story...
Last week, he set off for a few days in Charleston for a business trip. I let him pack on his own, which, you will some come to find out, was a bad idea. He makes fun of my anal retentive packing lists, but they're in place for a reason! So... Tuesday night, as he was getting settled into his hotel room, Puff gave me a ring. In the midst of his unpacking during our conversation, he came to a frightening realization; he had not packed any clean boxers.
His first meeting the next morning was at 9am. It was after 9pm when he realized this, and with his hotel in the historic part of downtown, there wasn't exactly a 24-hour Walmart in close proximity. My immediate reaction to this news was to laugh. Of course! Because had I packed, I certainly would've remembered clean panties! He was battling with what to do about the situation. He wanted to know if I thought washing them out in the sink with shampoo would work. I talked him out of it, because even with some blow drying, I was afraid they'd still be too wet to wear in the morning. And going commando or with damp-panty-ass wouldn't be good on your first day of training for your new job!
The next morning, I got a text around 8am that he was en route to a Target to buy some new boxers. For some reason, I envisioned him trying to change into them in the store parking lot. Now, Puff's not an idiot, but on occasion, he makes faulty decisions that make no logical sense. I just feared his junk would suddenly be on display in the front seat of his rental car, when some soccer mom pulled up next to him in her mini-van. That junk is all mine, people. 
Thankfully, he opted to change in the Target bathroom instead. But then he followed it up with one of those faulty-logic decisions... he put the Target bag (which we all know is partially see-thru) on the back seat of his car... dirty man panties included. Now, why it didn't occur to him to put the bag in the trunk just blows my mind. Do you not realize that people walk through parking lots at their office and could potentially SEE this bag and its contents? ::sigh::
Well, what happens next? His training group decides to make a run for lunch. And he drives. With 3 other people in his car. Meaning... 2 grown men get into the back seat of the rental car and his dirty underwear are laying on the seat. Apparently, he tried to jump in front of them to grab the bag to put it in the trunk, but they said it was fine. REALLY?!?! I about died of embarrassment from just being associated with the man who left his dirty undies on the car seat, in plain view, while his new co-workers rode along in the seat next to them!
Then Wednesday night happens. (Didn't think this could possibly get any more embarrassing, did you?) He's walking back to his hotel after dinner and we're on the phone. He's telling me the story about the car fiasco and a light goes off in his head... he had forgotten the bag, which also contained clean boxers for the next day, in the car. And it was in valet parking. We decided he would need to ask them to either 1) bring the car up for him to get the bag out or B) tell him where the car was, give him the keys, and let him walk to go get it.
Yet, somehow, we ended up at option #3... have the valet guy go to the car and get the bag for Puff. Yes, you read that correctly. My husband sent a college-aged valet boy to his car to fetch his bag of underwear. I wasn't even there, nor would this kid know me from Adam, but I died a little inside. I wanted to cower up into the couch and bury my head in shame.
I hope Puff learned a lesson in all of this. Maybe he shouldn't tell his wife she's nagging him when she checks and double-checks that things are all in place and ready to go for a trip. I'll be sure he doesn't live this one down for quite a long time!


Rachel Price said...

That is freaking hilarious!!

Anonymous said...

F that! Turn them inside out and go with it! Unless he had swamp ass the day before, it would be ok!