Nun-Ya-Bizness

(A fabulous guest post from my dear friend, Katie, who is saving my butt during this crazy week! I plan to repay her in Reese's cups.)

For the love of everything, it's none of your business if I'm pregnant or planning on becoming pregnant. When did it become OK to pry into strangers' lives and ask about intimate details? As a newly wed and first-time home buyer, I feel I've had my fair share of baby inquiries recently, and none of them are welcome, thankyouverymuch.

Soon after we moved into our new house, our neighbor saw me moving a rug into the house and took the time to not ask my name, not ask to help, but rather comment on my family situation. “Awfully big house for the two of you, isn't it?” No, not really. Also, nun-ya-bizness.

I recently met with a new co-worker and she had a lot – A LOT – of pictures of her son on her desk on the first day she started. He's like 8 now, but there were pictures of him from when he was much younger, thinking the kids in the pictures could have been brothers, I asked how many kids she has. Somehow that gave her the signal to ask me if I wanted kids. And it made me want to lie.

I try to evade this question because what if I say yes and then we for some reason are unable to get pregnant... I wouldn't want the constant reminder the form of questions about when it will happen. Or, god forbid, if something were to go wrong. If I say no and then end up with a kid, they'll think I was careless in my family planning. There is no winning. Usually my answer is something like, I love kids, but not right now. But what if I'm lying? What if I'm desperately trying to get pregnant, but can't? What if I ampregnant, but not ready to announce it? What if I was pregnant, but not anymore? Way to remind me that my uterus is deformed (maybe it is, maybe it isn't – also nun-ya).

So after talking with some friends, here are some lines newly weds being pressured to have babies can use when asked about family planning:

The doctor said we could start trying about three months after this last miscarriage.

Dude, we're going at it like rabbits, we can't figure out what is wrong. How did you do it?

I'd love to discuss my vaginal secretions with you over coffee sometime, perhaps you can help me figure out if all of this is normal. When are you available?

Don't tell my husband, but I'm still on the pill. I just love practicing.

You tell me first, when was the last time you had sex?

It must not be in god's plan right now.


Please leave any other suggestions you can think of in the comments.