I recently posted about the epic struggle with soccer mom van-drivers who parked in our yard until we corralled them out. Well, their demon spawn have now become the problem.
Puff woke up having night terrors that kept us both awake one recent evening, thinking about ways to electrocute the bastards. Unfortunately, I have made him see the error of his ways and prompted him to not get arrested. (Selfish reasons, really... I still need his sperm.)
The basic gist of the whole conundrum is that now there are other kids whose demonic mothers don't love them enough to arrive ON TIME to pick them up from school, so the kids are forced to hang on the curb. Sometimes for up to an hour. Oh, but that curb just isn't enough enticement for their short attention spans. Nope. Cue the running through our yard, wrestling in our yard, wielding sticks at each other from our yard, climbing in the tree in our yard, and trampling through our plants in our yard. Cue my email to the principal of the school. Cue his jackass response saying they can't do anything.
WHAT THE FUCK?!? Yes... you can do something. You can send your sorry-ass SRO to the corner in front of our house and find out who these kids are and send letters home to their parents. The alternative? I contact the school board and inform them that you are doing nothing to help prevent the damage of personal property by your students. Students who are NOT EVEN ALLOWED to walk off campus to hitch a ride home. That's what a car line is for. And you can bet I'm saving every emailed response from the school so that when Johnny Dumbshit falls out of our tree and breaks his arm and tries to sue us, that I can be sure to point out that we tried to PREVENT this by getting the school involved and they didn't give a shit.
Cue the most exasperated and desperate sigh EVER!
It's moments like this when it's hard not to jump to conclusions and immediately start researching homes for sale in the neighborhood, contacting realtors to get their input on necessary home improvements to sell The Bungalow, and getting finances in order to move. After several recent hours (following the terse response from the middle school principal) that is what I spend my time doing. And after a few hours, I took another giant sigh and realized we're being ridiculous. The kids are just being kids and the reality is that they're not damaging as much as we probably thought. Not enough to pack up and move years before we had planned. We are just starting to make the house feel like a HOME, and we can't just throw that away for thousands of dollars in realtor fees and closing costs and moving trucks.
So the plan moving forward from today is to see if the school SRO follows up on an email we sent. If that doesn't pan out, we contact the school board so they know what is happening. And then, sometime next week, I am going to leave work early to come home to put on my best Suzy Homemaker impersonation and go kill those kids with kindness on the curb (perhaps wielding Halloween candy) and try to just talk to them and ask them to stop. And if that all doesn't work out, then we might just be installing an electric fence around the perimeter of our property to keep out the vermin.
It's pretty sad when REAL vermin would be easier to deal with!