To Be Fair, I Hate People Too

I'm 99% sure I don't like your dog. Especially if I've never met it before. I'm just not a dog person. And contrary to some's beliefs, that does not make me anti-American or anti-animals or a member of Al Qaeda. It simply means I would rather you keep your dog away from me. I flat out cannot handle them. Especially inside ones. The thought simply makes me cringe.

At my last job, we had a big-wig from the corporate office come to town. I will never forget when he went to get into my boss's car to be taken to his hotel and he immediately shut the door back and refused to get inside. The reason? There was dog hair all over the seats. A symptom of dog-fever that people whom have caught this bug seem to overlook. I ended up having to drive him across town, since my car was nice and hair free.

I thought it was funny at the time, but the older I get, the more I'm jumping on his bandwagon. Who would willingly want to be covered in dog hair day after day? Not to mention all the other horrible things about them. They bark. They whine. They pant. They puke behind the couch and you don't find it for a few days. They poop on your oriental rug and you could almost step in it in your bare feet. They smell. And they smell worse after you've washed them. Oh yeah, and their food smells pretty gnarly too. Not to mention they have ZERO manners when it comes to chomping on their food and lapping up their water. The sound of a dog drinking is enough to push my OCD with noises into hyper-drive and send me into unchartered panic attack territory.

Dating The Ex and his crazy family didn't help any. The memory of their giant German Shepard rubbing against my leg at the dinner table sends chills down my spine. Then when he would drink from the bowl they conveniently had placed right next to the kitchen table... I'm about to gag right now! I just know I ingested some hair in my food over the years we were dating. There were times the dog would fart while laying under the table and start to lick my feet and I would literally have to excuse myself for a minute so I didn't vomit all over my plate. I made it a point after the first year to eat there as infrequently as possible.

So, here's the deal. I don't hate ALL dogs, but I'm not ready to be chummy with any of them either. If you keep your house clean and your furniture relatively hair free, I'll be fine. However, if you invite me for dinner and the dog is in the kitchen while you're preparing the meal or next to me as I'm expected to eat, then all bets are off. If you cannot make that accommodation to me, as a guest in your house, then don't be offended when I will not eat what you have cooked. We're probably just better off going to a restaurant. And no, I'm not going to be intentionally mean to your dog. I won't kick it. (Unless it deserves it! Ha!) But really... if it rubs against me, I will shy away. If it licks me, I will cringe. If it dares to jump on me, I will forcefully push it away and yell "NO!" because you obviously have not spent enough time in Puppy Kindergarten. I do not want to pet it. I do not want to tell you how cute it is. And in the back of my mind, I will also be silently criticizing the stupid name you gave it.

It's all a bit like the military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. If you don't ask me to like your dog, then I won't tell you to your face how much I dislike it. Although, you totally will have that gut feeling that you know my secret. I'm not very good at hiding it. The reality is that I don't have to hide it. It's how I am and take it or leave it. It's gag-worthy enough when some of my own hair ends up in my mouth during sex. And I know where that hair has been.

And it has not been licking my balls.

P.S. Don't despair, Dog Lovers, I'm all for equality. I hate cats too. Probably more than dogs. In fact, definitely more than dogs. Being slightly allergic to them doesn't help their cause.

Travelogue: Part 4

Time to recap our most favoritest trip day ever! Eh... maybe not EVER, but definitely the best on this adventure.

As I think I mentioned once (or twelve times)  before, Estonia was the place we had the highest hopes for and the little country did not let us down! Medieval Tallinn was magnificent and we would fly back tomorrow if we could!

This tower, Fat Margaret, was the first glimpse of the ancient walled city as we approached from the port. It lead to a gorgeous stone arch over cobblestoned Pikk Street, which rambled past old colorful buildings. We were out early, so we were able to take our time without battling for space with the tour groups. It felt a bit like Charleston, SC, with that sort of charm, mixed with a decidedly European vibe.

Pikk Street wound past charming churches (see Here) and opened up in grand style to the Town Hall Square. It was lined with umbrella-strewn restaurants and cafes, while the 15th-century town hall itself loomed overhead. The town was preparing for a festival, which we stumbled back upon later that day. We shared pizza while listening to Estonian children sing religious songs, followed by a parade of women in traditional folk costumes. It was one of those travel moments you live for!

At the top of a steep (like, crazy ass steep) stone ramp, you emerge into a courtyard in the Upper Town. The ramparts of the city wall tower overhead and when you come out from underneath them, you see this Russian Orthodox church. Since it was Sunday, there was prayer going on, but we were able to stand in the back and listen to the priest (preacher?) although we didn't understand a word. The widows on the front steps, shawls over their head, begging for change seemed to be one of those honest worldly moments you don't stumble across every day.

A few blocks up other streets, behind another church, around the bend, and under an arch (did you follow all that?) was THIS view. And THIS is why you fall in love with Tallinn. Among other things, like the fantastic people, cute stores, charming buildings. But this view. ::sigh:: Had those tour groups not come up behind us and run us off, I could've sat there all day. The bright side of being run off was that we ducked into a cute little store and bought a set of nativity ornaments that were handcarved and handpainted. Such a great souvenir!

The town was over-run with adorable back lanes and stone buildings. This was a side street Rick Steves had mentioned in his walking tour of the town. (We printed a copy from his website and did the tour on our own. Got some history without being stuck in a group!) I believe it was called Catherine's Passage and it had arts & crafts stores on one side and old tombstone ruins lining the wall on the other side. We also meandered well off the well-worn travel path and snuck outside the city walls to stumble across another small, local, festival and to wander through an art installation.

We left Estonia with a bit of a heavy heart. It's definitely one of my favorite places I've ever been and definitely tops on my list of places with Puff. (Although our 9 day Ireland adventure was pretty rock star!) We would love to head back here someday and also explore nearby Riga, Latvia, since it looks just about as cool as Tallinn.

Gotta have a dream list, right?

Flash Bulb Friday

::sigh::

 

Estonia.

 

How we love thee! Puff and I had high expectations for the medieval town of Tallinn, Estonia, and we were not disappointed. Everything from the cobblestone streets to the old city wall... it was eye candy for the traveler's soul!

 

This cool clock was on the side of the Church of the Holy Ghost and reportedly is from 1633. The church is a 14th century design. I'm not 100% sure the history of the area, but it definitely was seemingly spared any major damage during the war. And perhaps being locked away behind the Iron Curtain for so long helped it freeze in time even more. But definite props go to the townspeople for restoring it to this glory!

 

Puff and I aren't sure if the rest of Estonia is this amazing, but we definitely would consider a trip back there in our future. Perhaps we could bundle it with Latvia and Lithuania as well! (Just watched a show about Riga, Latvia, and it looks just as cool... only full of Art Nouveau buildings!) Never hurts to dream, right?

 

We lucked out that Estonia was full of dreaming possibilities!

Travelogue: Part 3

Ready for another rub-it-in-your-face Europe recap? I'm not intentionally rubbing it in anyone's face, but someone mentioned to me recently that blabbering about my travels makes them feel like their vacations all suck. Not my intention, people! Chill out! And if you need a cool vacation destination suggestion, just ask! Puff and I have a pocket full of ones we haven't even done yet! (Slovenia anyone?)

 

So... our next big stop was the port of Warnemunde in Germany. It's about 3 hours by train from Berlin, but we didn't want to feel too rushed, so my German-speaking husband booked us train tickets to a small town called Schwerin, about an hour and a half from port. It was out own little German adventure!

 

Puff got on my case for stopping to take a picture of the train station. I'm pretty sure he thought I was documenting the McDonalds. Sometimes, I just go all Japanese tourist and he can't handle it. Since I refrained from photos on the train, I figured this would do. Although not taking on-the-train pics was probably wise since that creepy goth kid kept staring at me the whole way. He probably just thought I was super hot. Why wouldn't he?

 

It only seemed right that Puff and I stumble upon a festival in a random town in Germany, since we frequent so many around home. A band literally announced our arrival into town, since we came up from behind them and were obviously the only day-tripping tourists at that point. I kept referring to it as the "Safety Parade" although calling it a parade was ridiculous since there was no parading happening. It was a nice place to get an ID tag for your kid or perhaps learn how to properly buckle your safety belt. All on a Friday morning? Do people in Germany not have jobs?

Reading online about Schwerin made it sound very cute and quaint. And it was definitely that. Sure, we eventually ran into some tourists, but in general, it felt very real. The town square was bare when we got there that morning, save for a few locals riding their bikes... possibly to jobs? We popped in the cathedral and then wandered down some back lanes toward the palace.

The Schwerin Palace was the "it" thing to see and do in this town. It was really pretty, actually. And was finishing a massive renovation. The inside rooms were typical European palacey but the grounds were beautifully situated on a lake and there were groves of orange trees. Or at least I think that's what they were. Regardless, it was also the "it" place to have wedding photos done. Several couples were there that day. Our favorite was the lady with the roughed up hair who was wearing a dress that hit her knees in the front, but her ankles in the back. I'm so surprised I missed that option at David's Bridal for my own wedding last year. Darn!

 

After palace touring and random building photo taking, we ventured down a cobbled alleyway to a small restaurant in a tudor building. Puff nursed a giant beer and I ate fresh produce, during the height of a massive E. Coli breakout. It was all worth it. Puff impressed me with his mad German-speaking skills and we got to escape cruise tours and most of the Japanese tourists. And that is always a victory.

A Panty Problem

If Puff ever says he can get by without me in life, I'm going to immediately remind him of this story...

 

Last week, he set off for a few days in Charleston for a business trip. I let him pack on his own, which, you will some come to find out, was a bad idea. He makes fun of my anal retentive packing lists, but they're in place for a reason! So... Tuesday night, as he was getting settled into his hotel room, Puff gave me a ring. In the midst of his unpacking during our conversation, he came to a frightening realization; he had not packed any clean boxers.

 

His first meeting the next morning was at 9am. It was after 9pm when he realized this, and with his hotel in the historic part of downtown, there wasn't exactly a 24-hour Walmart in close proximity. My immediate reaction to this news was to laugh. Of course! Because had I packed, I certainly would've remembered clean panties! He was battling with what to do about the situation. He wanted to know if I thought washing them out in the sink with shampoo would work. I talked him out of it, because even with some blow drying, I was afraid they'd still be too wet to wear in the morning. And going commando or with damp-panty-ass wouldn't be good on your first day of training for your new job!

 

The next morning, I got a text around 8am that he was en route to a Target to buy some new boxers. For some reason, I envisioned him trying to change into them in the store parking lot. Now, Puff's not an idiot, but on occasion, he makes faulty decisions that make no logical sense. I just feared his junk would suddenly be on display in the front seat of his rental car, when some soccer mom pulled up next to him in her mini-van. That junk is all mine, people. 

 

Thankfully, he opted to change in the Target bathroom instead. But then he followed it up with one of those faulty-logic decisions... he put the Target bag (which we all know is partially see-thru) on the back seat of his car... dirty man panties included. Now, why it didn't occur to him to put the bag in the trunk just blows my mind. Do you not realize that people walk through parking lots at their office and could potentially SEE this bag and its contents? ::sigh::

 

Well, what happens next? His training group decides to make a run for lunch. And he drives. With 3 other people in his car. Meaning... 2 grown men get into the back seat of the rental car and his dirty underwear are laying on the seat. Apparently, he tried to jump in front of them to grab the bag to put it in the trunk, but they said it was fine. REALLY?!?! I about died of embarrassment from just being associated with the man who left his dirty undies on the car seat, in plain view, while his new co-workers rode along in the seat next to them!

Then Wednesday night happens. (Didn't think this could possibly get any more embarrassing, did you?) He's walking back to his hotel after dinner and we're on the phone. He's telling me the story about the car fiasco and a light goes off in his head... he had forgotten the bag, which also contained clean boxers for the next day, in the car. And it was in valet parking. We decided he would need to ask them to either 1) bring the car up for him to get the bag out or B) tell him where the car was, give him the keys, and let him walk to go get it.

 

Yet, somehow, we ended up at option #3... have the valet guy go to the car and get the bag for Puff. Yes, you read that correctly. My husband sent a college-aged valet boy to his car to fetch his bag of underwear. I wasn't even there, nor would this kid know me from Adam, but I died a little inside. I wanted to cower up into the couch and bury my head in shame.

 

I hope Puff learned a lesson in all of this. Maybe he shouldn't tell his wife she's nagging him when she checks and double-checks that things are all in place and ready to go for a trip. I'll be sure he doesn't live this one down for quite a long time!

Travelogue: Part 2

Time for another travel update from our European Adventure! The second day we were in Denmark, the first order of business was to haul our butts to Nyhavn as early as possible to jump on a canal cruise.

 

 

The city symbol of Copenhagen is none other than a statue of Hans Christian Anderson's Little Mermaid. However, with some extensive research on her location, etc, we decided that walking and/or taxiing out to visit her would be a waste. So, I ensured that our canal cruise would take us right past her. She was definitely underwhelming. But I saw her, so check that one off my life list!

 

 

I have no idea what this building is, or what it had been, but I liked it. A lot. It wasn't until I got home to edit this picture, however, that I realized it's not exactly straight. I suppose that's what happens when you're taking pictures from a moving boat. Oh well... it's decidedly European to me and I still like it. I'm a little wonky sometimes, so why can't my photos be as well?

 

 

The canal cruise wove us through an area of town called Christianhavn. My impression going in was that it was a bit of a hippie refuge. While we never saw anything decidedly free-spirited there, we did see lots of cute house boats, restaurants on the water, and such. (I'll have one in Flash Bulb coming up!) It was a part of town where I could see myself. Lots of cute apartments overlooking the canals, with cafes and bakeries below.

 

 

I mentioned Nyhavn earlier, but it's pretty much the cutest part of Copenhagen. It was originally a red light district, but has now morphed into a touristy area with cafes and shops. You can't blame the tourists for flocking here... it really is crazy picturesque. I had a hard time resisting taking photo after photo of all the gorgeously adorable colored buildings.

 

 

Since we took the canal cruise so early, and our ship didn't board until mid-afternoon, Puff found a castle, Rosenborg, and the King's Courtyard, which was a garden/park area to explore. Only about a 5-10 minute walk from Nyhavn, we found ourselves on a park bench, surrounded by kids on a school trip, throwing frisbee and kicking around a soccer ball.

 

That afternoon, following some shopping along the Stroget, we made our way to our ship, the Norwegian Sun. I will throw out a disclaimer that Puff and I were decidely unhappy with Norwegian, and would be hard pressed to sail them again. While our itinerary rocked this world, our ship and its service and crappy food, did not. Thankfully, we did not let that deter us from having a blast! Onward we went to Germany!

Sleepy Time? I wish!

My grandmother has insomnia. She's lucky if she can catch 4 hours a night, and it's always in spurts.

I have a dreaded feeling in the pit of my stomach, that is my future.

Mostly in the past 3 or 4 years, I've noticed I have nights when no matter how tired I am, I just cannot fall asleep. Tonight, is one of those nights. I've tried watching a boring TV show for an hour and just turning out the lights for an hour to lay in darkness.

Nothing. I can't turn off my brain!

Any suggestions for tuning out your thoughts and being able to get out of your head? I'm so reluctant to start using any type of medication.

Wait... does rum count as medicine?