Friday, September 24, 2010

Virgin Entry

WELCOME one and all! Thank you to all of you who have been dedicated to following me on my non-publicized blog for the last 6 years. And a big hello to all of you newbies who will hopefully find something you like along the way as this new venture gets under way. Now to get a little housekeeping out of the way...

For the sake of this blog, my name is Gail. I'm in my late-20s and am currently living somewhere in the great state of South Carolina. For a few reasons, I'm not going to be much more specific than that... namely for the fact that if you knew exactly where I lived, you might happen upon our house early in the morning and spot me running naked past an open window or if you get offended by something I say (and yes, sooner or later, you will get offended) you might attempt to leave a flaming bag of poo on my front porch. And since our front door opens with a key from the inside, that fire might get out of hand pretty fast and I just don't want to have to deal with firemen while I search for a lost key, probably all while being naked. But if you're adept at all with using the InterGoogle, I'm sure you'll be able to narrow down our city soon enough with mentions of all the awesomely cool stuff we do.

I am recently married to the coolest guy I know. I have to write that "I know" part because obviously if I was hanging out with Johnny Depp on a regular basis, the husband probably wouldn't fare very well. For the sake of this blog, his name is Puff. (Or on occasion, if I slip up, he might be referred to as DH, which can simultaneously stand for "Dear Husband" or "Dick Head.") He got the nickname Puff one morning when his strange breathing sounds woke me and I had to fight the urge to smother him with the nearest pillow. For some reason it reminded me of what I imagine a dragon breathing would sound like, and therefore, he was dubbed Puff in the blogosphere. You're welcome, honey.

Puff and I both have jobs. His has something to do with buying and selling crap. He makes enough money to pay the bills, take cool vacations, and keep us in "The Bungalow" and that's good enough for me. I also have a job. I work with clients and I work with the public. All of that is pretty awesome, especially since I'm well-known for hating people. Especially the idiocy of the general public as a mass. And since I do honestly enjoy what I do for a living, there probably won't be much specific mention of it. I would like to keep my job.

The extent of any back-story you need to know is that Puff was raised in the thriving metropolis of Atlanta, Georgia, while I was raised in the great white North in a place I'll refer to as "The Fort." I'm an only child with two step-siblings and Puff has a brother with five children who live far, far away in the middle of nowhere. A few key players that will pop up from time to time are my good friend in SC, "Kimhead", and my best friend back North, "Miss." "The MIL" is my mother in law, "The Ex" is the last guy I dated before Puff, and "The Slutasian" is the slutty Asian girl Puff used to date who provides me with constant amusement via Facebook stalking. (Bikini crotch shots anyone?) All our other friends have pretty generic names (their parents were obviously not name Nazis) so Rachel, Lisa, Katie, Meghan, Sara, Laura, Andrew, Michael, etc... you're not getting cool nicknames, unless I get a written request.

This blog will be just about our lives. And while that may sound boring now, just wait until you get a few entries under your belt. We love to travel and try to never sit still, which lends to a lot of joy in our lives and yes, funny stories. I also battle self-diagnosed OCD and ADD and usually have a fairly interesting outlook on life. I hope I can suck you in!

For the next few posts, I'm going to copy & paste some of my favorites from my old blog so you can get a little bit of a feel about how this whole ship will be run. After that, I'm opening the flood gates. Life jackets not included.

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